Saturday, December 25, 2010

game forums

I love videogames, but not just playing them. I also love reading about them, criticizing them, and examining videogame-culture as an art movement. I intoxicate myself with news of upcoming releases and detailed anecdotes that appear on gaming sites and magazines. It's a fix for me which lacks the ability to ever truly satiate. I love playing the games too, but participating in game discussion is a different form of entertainment and the one that is pertinent to what I am going to try to say.

Every year, many different gaming sites will announce their game of the year, abbr. "G.O.T.Y". Stating your game of the year is really fun. It allows you to summarize the entire year of news, releases, and instances of joy experienced in gaming activities. Everyone has a different opinion of what should be considered for game of the year. I personally believe that the game of the year should represent the game release that you are happiest for knowing about. For those who just play games and don't read about them, this would amount to the game that they had the most fun playing. But since I read about games as much as I play them, the effect that the game had on videogame culture is also important to me.

I tend to think that if people play videogames, they play for the same reasons that I do, but this is not the case and every time I discover this dissonance, it makes me feel lonely. This year I realized that the game of the year announcement from different publications was an excellent way to gauge whether or not the writers of those publications were playing for similar reasons to my own. I realized this because of this article on Kotaku, a site which I frequent the most.

The nominations were so incredibly disappointing to me. I played three of the nominees and loved them, but to me 2010 was an incredible year for videogame culture, and not because of refinement in established genres and styles. There was so much innovation in so many directions this year, that it was absurd to me that four games who just put more advanced asphalt on the road we've been walking for the last 4 years should be nominated, when completely new directions were established.
One game in particular seemed to change my perceptions the most; minecraft. It changed my perceptions in a lot of areas for a lot of reasons. I began responding to the nominees on Kotaku, but received a lot of resistance, not from the writers, but from the readers. And that was when I realized that I was in the wrong place.

Everyone can enjoy their pick for game of the year, but to me, this was a sign that I needed to find a source of information that had a similar agenda to my own. I want to participate in a discussion where I am furthering a focus rather than arguing over motives and definitions. This ability to engage with people who share your interests is what makes the internet such a great thing. I realized that the majority of readers on Kotaku were playing games for different reasons than my own and I wanted to find a place where people were playing for the similar reasons as my own.
I started looking around and soon remembered that had an interesting tone to it and seemed to provide me with info about games that I wasn't getting  anywhere else. There was a podcast called "idle thumbs" that did similar things for me, but they stopped making it. I made a conscious decision to look at rock paper shotgun when I would be going to Kotaku and found that i was getting news that satisfied me and inspired me with content rather than suggestive and ultimately misleading headlines. They commonly refer to smaller games that were doing more interesting things and larger games that I just wasn't hearing about from other publications. They also seemed to have an interest in the way a game changes and contextualizes the artform as a whole; totally my type of thing.
So for their game of the year, they have an advent calendar where they list their 24 favorite games and announce their favorite on the 24th of December. here is the article in which they announce their de facto game of the year:
I almost cried when I read this. The emotional response probably had something to do recent experiences and frustrations with strangers online where I have failed to communicate the need for sympathy and compassion to hateful bigots. This article, in the context of my isolation on the forums in which I participate, made me feel an incredible sense of belonging. For some, this may seem trivial because it happened on internet forums, but the medium does not invalidate the experience for me and I wanted to share it.

Videogames are important to me and I am incredibly interested in how the culture and perspectives that surround their development and consumption form. Finding evidence of a place that can express my views about one game and why it deserves G.O.T.Y so accurately, makes me feel like I'm part of something.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

fey dream

Last night I dreamt that Chrissy and I were hired to participate in some sort of candid camera operation in which Tina Fey was the stooge. We had met her briefly before for a different work-assignment. Our role was to be in line at the rural gas station as she came in. The basic "joke" was that her manager (who knew her well enough) was going to place inside jokes in her environment without her knowledge that it had been orchestrated. But in the moment of truth when Fey came to the line to purchase her morning coffee, she somehow became skeptical when Chrissy became nervous. Tina fey looked at Chrissy and said "You're the hot girl that I was supposed to do that project with" during her wide-spanning narration of orchestrated elements in her normal environment. The "joke" was a failure, but I started laughing at Chrissy going "Tina Fey thinks you are the 'hot girl', that's awesome."
The manager was disappointed that we all got busted, but decided to go ahead with one of the other events later in the day. It was some sort of seminar in a wooden deck kinda courtyard. The orchestrated elements that did not involve Chrissy and me were having the desired effect and Tina Fey was becoming manic (though trying to keep in to herself and Chrissy) as she was realizing that everything that was happening around her was heavily influenced by ideas which she had had previously. Chrissy began pointing out more to her, hoping that as Chrissy pointed out the absurd quantity of coincidences, Tina Fey would get wise and know that her manager was playing a trick on her. This was when Chrissy and I became concerned with the joke and especially our role in it. I thought, well I don't want to participate in fooling her, but if I was to just tell her, I wouldn't be able to participate and someone without compassion might be hired in our place.
So my decision was to comfort Tina Fey by participating in her manicism. I asked her what she was doing and she explained that she had a game that she would play in her childhood where she would rub spots on her desk that appeared to have moving specks with her thumbnail. The resulting smear marks would begin to reveal a painting. So I started doing that with her and indeed it resulted in a painting with three elements in columns. From left to right: there was an Apatosaurus outstreaching it's neck down to a flower bloom, water being poured into a mouth, and an abstracted penis going into a biology textbook diagram of a vagina. It was quite a nice painting. The background was a mostly even dark bluish-purple. and all the foreground elements were reddish-orange to dark yellow.
At this point I became concerned that the painting would be damaged when tina Fey found out what was going on. I thought she might destroy the painting, so I started planning how to get it to safety in that moment. There was a concern between both Chrissy and I that she would think that everything we had said and all the fun of the day was just an act, but we felt that we had some really valuable experiences. I began feeling that this specific "joke" was actually a power-play by her manager, trying to embarrass her eccentrics and give her the impression that she needs to rely only on interests that apply directly to the business of being a performer. The announcement that it was a joke kinda happened when we weren't around and Chrissy and I went off thinking that we had ruined any chance for further interaction with Tina Fey, as her manager had successfully convinced her that the childhood stuff was crap. And that's what Chrissy and I do.

Monday, November 29, 2010

giant bird

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catchy melodies

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it simulates

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heaviest known

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government limits

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every tongue

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reality shows

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aboveground flower

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clearly mastered

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make rug

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Thursday, October 14, 2010

morning porch

The swing chain makes a spoke noise like springling pulses of pull and give; The electronica you would hear from an old wooden ship.
Birds on the lines are trying to communicate it with series of clicks.

The hillside across the road is sprinkled with the light yellow of malnourished new-growth. Weeds unfortunate enough to have waited til mid-October.

this swing was built withought the knowledge needed to make a comfortable seat.

I came out for morning coffee, for something more authentic and less demanding than Halo or Minecraft.. The core-loop is much longer out here while philosophizin than it is when pawning noobs or running from mobs.
There's more personal investment when out here, acknowledging that I should slow my thoughts.
I measure my success by poignant observations. If I, for instance, notice that the birds on the wire are replying to the sound of the porch-swing chain, then I know that I have succeeded in ignoring the distraction of language based thought long enough to observe a base state of observation and emotion. i think of these base states as archtypical, but I don't know that they are; still they seem similar to the colors you learn in kindergarten or character types from young adult novels. I haven't named them, it''s hard enough to even notice that they are there, and that I have felt them before.
I enjoy noticing them, it creates a sense of unity in time. As if there is a hub to my experience, from which I may access anything I've experience before.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

videogame movies

Now that I've seen Terminator 2, I realize what a good videogame movie is like. It's a matter of pacing and acrobatics.
Step Up 3 was such a great videogame movie. It follows predictable plot points and creates a set of assumptions that seem so positive and capable to me. It's a struggle to expalin what I mean by videogame movie. Simply put, I felt like I was playing a videogame as I watched that movie.
So maybe I should say "If you haven't played a deep videogame, you can watch Step Up 3 and see what it feels like" The 3-d might be necessary.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

garage band

I should make a garage band.
I would ask them to play songs for my science-fiction movie about god and the devil being the same entity.
The twist isn't that god and the devil are the same entity, it's that the entity had no desire to hide any part of it's nature; humans did that.
It would be a very slow film. There would be a main group of characters. sometimes, some of them would be paranoid that the music they listen to is a message from the devil, while others are enthusiastic about the same music because it's a message from god. The song in question is a love song, where the singer is expressing their want to be closer. I would have to ask my garage band to make one of those. The garage band should be the main group. But I don't want them making the music in the movie, I want them to be listening to it.
We should put it up on Youtube. It wouldn't be longer than 10 minutes, but by the time it's over, you feel satisfied.

getting mail.

If I was in charge of getting mail, I would do it first thing in the morning. I would just forget that it was in the box during the afternoon and evening and assume that it came while I was asleep the way tooth fairies do. Then, half asleep I would walk to the box and open it to see what was inside: tickets.
Tickets to the fascinating involvements of commerce, local causes and friends. and magazines sometimes.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

coffee lust

"lust" is what I call it. "lust" is the desire for something that is "sexy".
"sexy" is that irrational attraction. You may have reasons, but reasons are just a way to pretend that you have more control than you do.
I suppose I should tell you that I use these terms to describe my enthusiasm for ideas and consumer products more than I use them for actual people. That's what I'm interested in, communicating the inevitable movement towards new videogames and enthralling mythologies.
My concept of lust is like the way that women characters in movies talk about their love for chocolate. They begin with a metaphor of sex and then a female friend says "Oh but you would rather have sex that eat chocolate" and then the woman eating chocolate says "oh I don't know about that" and then they all laugh in an awkward yet communal fashion. That's how I feel about riding accordions like a skateboard that moves uphill and plays music as you pump it with your feet until you reach a summit where an extraterrestrial made of logic informs you that the next move is an obvious one.
I think monks are celibate so that their lustful energy goes toward data entry work and theological experimentation. I believe that is the motive.
I think monogamy is a form of celibacy and that the energy once used to motivate you towards maintaining and refining your attractive characteristics, exposing yourself to potential mates, navigating the subtleties of social encounters, and wanting to be with that person; requires a new release. Like a improving a career or protecting a child, or going deeper into a hobby.

do fine

I can't be afraid to waste people's time.
I gotta write on the blog when I have nothing to say, because it's the same as a sketch-book; I won't know what to say until I'm saying it. It's fun. Life is limited and if I want to stare at he stream then I'll stare at the stream and if I wasn't to write trash I will.

Monday, May 31, 2010

random curls

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counting objects

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four drinks

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whole star

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several wavelengths

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darker one

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threading tap

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sloppy joint

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things quicker

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extra money

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someday become

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