Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Videogame guilt

IMO writting is largely about being willing to communicate clearly. We intentionally mask our bold statements in order to avoid confrontation such as hurting ourselves or others with words. But it's already kinda hard to calculate cleary (what it is) that we think. This extra obstacle is quite the filter, and it stops the much larger particles from passing. 
I experience severe videogame guilt as if there is something that I objectively need to be doing. Subjectively is similar to objectively when I am referring to myself The kitchen timer I set, beeped at the exact moment that the coffee a-started bubblin. 
What is it I should be doing?
I'm sure that everyone has an answer for me on this question. It would be hard for them allow clearity through, proportional to their knowing me or their sense of purpose
but they would certainly have something for me to do. 
I don't execute the potential of filling these desires enough to really be overwhelmed by the scale of it. I'll purposely smile, believing that it makes a few people slightly happier.
The people I'm near even.
But I donate little to those in war-torn nations, and even less to the deep poor of past millenia. 
So When I play a round of Shadowrun, and I'm having a great time, I feel guilty. As if the people on X-box Live don't benefit from my being there. Sometimes I can even promote tolerance with my slow verbosity and my team-friendly actions. 
Honestly, my perspective displayed upon the network of consoles across the globe is recieved well, more than I could expect. 

I remember when my 12 friends and I would sit around a cafe' and talk constantly. We had so much to say. I started drawing for something to do. I wished that we were all capable of focusing on the same manifestation, but I could not have promoted one more than I did. 
And so now I have a very distinct activity which people are so willing to focu on, that they pay large sums of money for the equipment to do so. Capture the mother-fuckin flag and don't let them steal ours. It's very simple, but the leverage of other players minds and thumbs makes it ery difficult. 
We talk. Not nearly as fluidly since I don't know these people. But we do talk. And the risk makes it highly intense. You trying talking to a game lobby about somethng which is starting to seem obious to you. A female form glowing orange coming out of the receding mist. yeah. 
I could be painting boards to give away around town, or making Chrissy's valentine's present. I could be doing so motivational excercises so that I can learn how to profit in any economic circumstance. Learning to cook, managing a corporate take-over. 
All of these things are highly influencial, but if I was to dedicate myself to a social cause, would it give a significant lead to happiness of many? Maybe, I don't know. I could petition city hall to make a sound scape park with parabolic dishes and chains that respond in a similar fashion to a small numbered-seguence of cellular automata.
Could get a job as a social worker and really make a difference with American otaku then take the money i saved from living in a gypsy camp and but teh property and the materials to make the park myself. what. 
Initiative is the huge filter for me. 's ok. I think it's a huge filter for most people. But it's not one I face when popping in a well constructed simulation of a small space and time where goals are objects and there's a group of strangers waiting for my help.

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